Life is getting better. Nolan and I are doing a lot better but I still can't wait to go back to Farmington and have my own life besides just doing my class and waiting for him to get back. I love him to death but I am going crazy in this town with the closest dunkin donuts or walmart being about 30 minutes away. I have noticed some changes in myself and I think that is just because I am searching within myself to see who I really am as a person. I love the quote to be nice to everyone because you don't know what kind of battles they are fighting. It is so true, and I'm really going to work on that. I always have my judgements of people as much as I try not to, but I can't help that. But thinking of this quote frequently might help me with that and to stop and think of what is going good in my life when I am frustrated, feeling stressed, ect. I really can't wait to get back to the gym either. I feel like I have completely let myself go and I need to get back to feeling good about my appearance. I haven't been doing it the most healthy way and Nolan sometimes gets mad at me but I have to do what is going to make me feel good and right now I feel this is what I have to do. My goal this year is to just appreciate life and be an all around better person. I don't know what I am going to have to do to accomplish this goal, attend church, volunteer, get another job? I just want to feel good about the life I live and not look back on my senior year and think that I wasted the last year in Farmington. And that goes along with accepting the fact that not everyone is going to like you and I did things that I probably wouldn't like if someone did them to me and have to lie in the bed I've made. I think all about this year is accepting myself and accepting others and trying to make everything good and zen I suppose you could say! The plan is right now that I'm going to try and wake up early and go to the gym and hopefully that will help me feel more zen throughout the day.

So I haven't updated this in a little while, I've actually been having a much better time than my last post. Nolan and I had a huge fight and ever since that fight things have taken a complete 180 turn for the better :) It makes me very happy because I love him very much. Im kind of at a weird point in my life where I just want to find something that gives me meaning. I used to think that optometry would give my life meaning but after finding out that it isn't the route that I want to go, I really don't know what to think anymore. I went out on Saturday night to celebrate not having an internship anymore and drank a little too much and was sooo hungover for the lobsterfeed at my house with my grandparents. I was called fat, having fake eyelashes, pale, if I was on medication, and if I did dip. Either way, I wasn't too happy about that. My mom and I got along well though so at least thats a good thing. Everytime I go back to Farmington it makes me more and more excited to go back for good. I'm really excited. Especially with the new look of the apt! Now that no one is there to dictate. As far as my class goes this summer I'm halfway done. And now with no internship I think Im going to try and double up in the week and get things done faster.